WAHM: Advice From My Big Sister

"The things that made you fall in love are the things that will challenge you most in your marriage." My sister Laurie said that to me almost ten years ago, and she's been right the whole time.

While planning May entries for this blog I decided to ask my big sister's advice again. Laurie is a WAHM with two children and a home/car office. I asked her how being a mom makes her a better employee and how working makes her a better mom. What struck me most about her response is that aside from "Don't leave anything until the last minute", it's all about attitude. The attitudes that keep joy in her parenting also keep joy in her professional work. I hope that her suggestions will help you keep joy in the many roles you play in your life. Thanks, Laurie!

Don’t leave anything to the last minute. If you plan to stop by K-Mart and pick up costumes on the way home from work on October 31, you will inevitably have to work overtime on a project that can’t wait, leaving your children in tears because they have to Trick-or-Treat as bed-sheet ghosts again instead of the matching Ninja Turtles they had their hearts set on. Likewise, leaving a work assignment ‘til the last day (“I’ll just finish it in the morning when I’m fresh”) is a guarantee that at least one child will wake up the next morning with chicken pox.

Start every day with a fresh slate. Cleaning off your desk before you leave the office is as important as clearing the dishes out of the sink before you go to bed. These small glimpses of order may well be the highlight of your day.

Smile, nod and look interested. It will make someone’s day. This works equally well with a boring co-worker or stressed out spouse as it does with your first grader -- “And then Susie walked up and said ‘Hi’ and I said ‘Hi’ and then we went over to the swings and then Adam came up and said ‘Hi’ but I’m not sure I like him and then the teacher looked over and said ...”

Treasure the silence; it is fleeting. My favorite holiday used to be President’s Day – the kids had school and I didn’t have to work. Make the most of a quiet moment... whenever you find it.

Pick your battles. Does it really matter if your office gets moved? Does it really matter if your toddler insists on wearing snow boots all spring? Keep your perspective and fight for what’s really important. Besides, how many battles do we ever really win with a two year old?

Move on, and don’t say “I told you so.” So you know full well that your client’s ideas are so last week. You also know that your son’s first girlfriend will break his heart. Give your advice when you’re asked for it, and don’t be upset when it isn’t taken. Most people ask for advice to reinforce what they’ve already decided to do. It’s just not good form to say “I told you so” after the inevitable train wreck occurs.

Remember that’s it not just about you. There is nothing like motherhood to put your personal ego on the back burner. Rather than pine for your lost self, re-frame it as an opportunity to learn the fine arts of persuasion, compassion, empathy and teamwork.

My father used to tell us that the boss may not always be right, but he’s always the boss. The same is true about your kids. Enjoy it all!
Laurie

Sally Bacchetta - Freelance Writer
Freelance Writer
Parenting
Motherhood